In our society, mental health and sexual issues are still too often surrounded by taboos. To break these barriers, it's important to discuss these topics openly and honestly.
In this context, Clément Baissat invited me on his podcast” Bipolar speech ”, an invitation that I accepted with great pleasure.
I am convinced that sharing our experiences, our experiences, our feelings, even on the most taboo subjects, contributes and I hope will contribute to helping people who suffer from bipolarity.
My name is Caroline, I am an atypical woman with many facets, I have never fallen into the box of the norm. I have two jobs, one as an employee, the other as a freelancer, as a professional coach.
For several years I have been living and undergoing high phases and low phases, without really knowing what they are about...
Until last year I didn't know what I had. I did not understand myself. I often said that my years lasted 6 months...
6 months in the dark, where I disappeared completely.
6 months in the light where I had the feeling of making up for lost time. And my libido did the same... 6 months with zero desires, zero desires. And 6 months when I won the stars so much my desire and my desires were so high...
During the break of Diagnosis of bipolarity in November 2023, I was finally able to put into words what I was experiencing, what I was feeling... and I became aware that my sexuality included phases of impulsive and compulsive behaviors. Sometimes it's like an addiction.
Good news : it can be regulated, it can be controlled at a minimum... it's quite complicated anyway... I must admit it to myself if I'm honest... but with time, patience and a good dose of self-love... I manage it most of the time...
Bad news : what is won on Monday can break your face on Wednesday... you have to go through an acceptance phase...
Why are bipolar people often affected?
People who are bipolar are four times more likely to develop addictions compared to the general population. This is due to the different functioning of our brains and neurotransmitters.
Over the months, I have developed and implemented strategies to tame my demons and manage my impulses. I use several personal indicators to alert me in real time to the phase I am experiencing.
I wanted to share with you what works for me, it's worth a try, with a lot of patience and a non-judgment on your own person, you will have positive results.
Test it... at worst... You will have tried 😊
Dating apps are very often useful for intimate encounters, and we must admit it... this invention is very practical.
Except that... I have clearly identified that the addictive mechanism of apps is absolutely not the best ally of bipolar people and is often the cause of a turn in phase up...
The notifications with each like... the desire to go and see who is the one who wants to go further... the incessant proposals for new profiles... if you have already used them, you will surely agree with me on the fact:
- that it is often difficult to resist,
- that it is very easy to spend a lot of time there, consciously or unconsciously,
- and that, in the meantime... your brain feeds on behaviors that are harmful to its proper functioning...
The 1era ruler that I impose on myself (and which is valid for ALL applications in general, except those that you consider essential): NO NOTIFICATION.
The idea with this concept is for you to decide In conscience as soon as you are going to connect. And not the other way around. No more the “like” that comes to deconcentrate you at work, in full reading, worse... in the middle of sleep!
The 2th ruler ultra effective if you see that you spend too much time, way too much time on Meetic and company... impose periods of uninstalling the app. Radical but effective.
Rest assured:
- You won't lose your subscription, it's just an uninstallation of the app, not a cancellation of your account (you were scared huh 😊)
- Are you in the middle of a conversation with a potential date and you don't want to miss out on your exchanges? No panic, I have the solution! Only activate an email notification of replies to your current conversations in the app settings. While continuing to turn off other Mail notifications... So, when the time comes for you to go check your emails, you can answer your candidate from the email, quietly and no longer under the impulse of compulsion 😊
- Be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself. You only managed to last 2 days without the app? You re-installed it as dry on the 3rdth day? It's okay, try to tell yourself that you managed at least 2 days without giving in to this compulsion and your brain thanks you for it 😊
If you are reading this article, you may have also seen the mood chart.
I invite you to personalize this monitoring table with your own indicators. For example, in mine, I adapted my list of prodromes with those I identified for each of my phases.
In my Phase Up, I added several follow-up lines for:
“high libido, masturbation, risk taking, dating site, dating site, sexual relations, hours of sleep, nocturnal awakenings... but also menstrual periods, ovulation phase, premenstrual syndrome”
This will be the subject of another article but did you know that PMS (premenstrual syndrome) is a significant disruptor in an up phase?
This chart follows me on a daily basis. It is as important as my treatment. At home it is pinned to my room and I complete it every morning when I wake up in 10 seconds.
On the go, I slip it into my suitcase, it's MY ALLY, it follows me everywhere!
Thanks to its regular completeness, I can see where I am on the mood curve, I can even make hyper-obvious cause-and-effect relationships by reading it and anticipate it.
For example, I know how to tell you that on 8/20/24, I only slept 5:40am, that all my boxes related to my sexuality were checked... this situation lasted 72 hours so on the 4thth Today, after reading the graph, I consciously decided (and with the agreement of my psychiatrist) to lower my anti-depressant by 30 mg because I was in the process of starting a phase up. I deleted the dating apps, I imposed quiet moments without my phone, and the wave passed quite quickly.
A major point is also the importance of the support of loved ones. I really insist on having a caregiver or someone you trust to confide in. And daring to talk to your trusted person about your sexuality also means succeeding in putting into words our relationship with sex. Personally, my best friend, who is also my caregiver, often reassures me that this or that sexual act is not serious, that it is ok, that I do not have to feel ashamed. Feeling that can go through me at times.
I was able to involve my caregiver in the “Caregivers Day” at the Bipolar Expert Center at the Montpellier University Hospital, which highlights the fundamental role of loved ones in the management of bipolar disorder. I can only recommend it if you have one near you.
Talking openly about bipolarity in a romantic relationship is essential in my opinion. But awfully difficult too!
I need to be transparent with my partner especially when the relationship takes hold and the first feelings appear.
Until I do it, I feel like an impressionist. The complexity of talking to my partner about my hypersexuality is a challenge, but essential for me to build relationships based on trust and mutual understanding.
That's it, I hope I've brought to light some of the aspects of bipolar disorders that are often overlooked.
Breaking taboos around mental health and sexuality is essential for better understanding and effective management of our disorders.
If you recognize yourself in my testimony or if you want to learn more about other topics, I really recommend that you follow the next episodes of the podcast.” Bipolar speech ”
For more information on managing addictions and bipolar disorders, I recommend that you consult an addictologist if necessary, and that you also talk to your psychiatrist and psychologist.
Very inspiring person to follow on social networks: the psychiatrist and addictologist Laurent Karila. This man makes very relevant posts and programs on the subject of addictions.
